Cellular Rip Tide

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Cell phones are a money pit. I lost my trusty Verizon cell phone a couple months ago. It came from a simpler time, two years ago, when a person had a variety of options to choose from. I chose a basic little phone with a basic little service. I could talk on it. I could send a couple texts a month on it if I didn't mind forking over 20 cents a shot. And my special little bonus: I could occasionally activate mobile broadband for a week or two if I wanted to tether it to the laptop while traveling.

So nice.

But now it's gone and I had to get another one. So, what's the chrome-plated future look like? It looks like shredded greenbacks flying out of my wallet, that's what it looks like. If I want a phone that can tether to my laptop, and I try to get advice from a human being (in person, over the phone, no matter) I'm funneled straight into the Commitment-Zone. You see, in the future, only weenies want phones that are internet-ready just SOME of the time. So I could sign up for a contract to shell out thirty extra bucks a month for unlimited broadband that I can't justify, or I could trim down to the minimum fifteen dollars a month for 150 Mb of access--which is a plan that essentially allows you to know you HAVE access, but strictly AVOID using it, because you know if you do start using it you'll end up enjoying a regular, burning rash of killer overage charges.

Fortunately, I'm capable of researching my way out of the gaping Pitcher Plant of digestive broadband fees and I found a couple phones swirling around in a sad little eddy on the Verizon website for under fifty bucks that still allowed you to tether and do occasional broadband with no monthly commitment. Option 1 had crummy standby battery life. So I got Option 2. Which is where I realized something else that I guess I knew, but never really thought about. Which is, besides being a money pit, cell phones are also a fashion marker. And I guess I might as well be wearing a pocket protector and huge horn rims, because I got me a flip phone. Coworker walks up:
"So what kind of phone did you end up getting"
[[shows phone]]
"ohhhh....you got a flip phone...." [[goes silent with an I'm-not-going-to-say-anything-else look on face]]

So, whatever. I'm glad I'm 40 years old and I don't care anymore. I'm going to go shopping for sock suspenders now.

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