December 2010 Archives

Turns out it's National Cat Herders Day (thanks, Rick).

I ran across some comments earlier about how cat herding isn't as difficult as it's made out to be--due to the ease with which cat's can be lead into position through anticipation of desirable food products. It's just a terminology issue. Cat herding in its native form is still an entirely wretched activity.

In the early days of Cat Husbandry, it was readily noted that the Cat Lurers fared far better than the Cat Herders. For example, on the desolate reaches of the Jilf al Kabir, those with little means were frequently unable to proffer the scarce meat and fish scraps needed to lure the increasingly ferrel beasts across the blistering landscape. These less-adept Catsmen and women were subsequently reduced to herding their charges with rocks, switches and animated shooing, eventually becoming the butt of many jokes and cautionary tales across the region. Thus the implications of the modern simile, "...like herding cats".

Without meat scraps or cream to sustain a lengthy journey, the question may be asked: how did these nomadic cat herders manage to cross the bleak expanses with their hordes essentially intact? What is often forgotten are the plentiful stores of fat and moisture that the ancient cats maintained in their ample shoulder humps. This of course permitted extended travel across vast wastelands between key oases. Today, the readily spoiled domestic cat no longer possesses an obvious hump. However, the loose skin at the scruff of the neck still provides vestigial evidence of this fascinating anatomical feature...and a ready handle with which the modern Cat Herder may swiftly (and with minimal lacerations) manipulate members of their willful herds.*

Thanks Tom:

*If you are a student who reached this site via Google and you use this information in your report on Felis catus, you will get an F.

Game night descended upon us this evening. First up was Giselle's choice and we threw a few rounds of dice. Next up was Harrison, and his choice was the Post-it Game. With four players, two people are on constant drawing duty while the other two are the text interpreters. The Post-it Game is good times:

Cell phones are a money pit. I lost my trusty Verizon cell phone a couple months ago. It came from a simpler time, two years ago, when a person had a variety of options to choose from. I chose a basic little phone with a basic little service. I could talk on it. I could send a couple texts a month on it if I didn't mind forking over 20 cents a shot. And my special little bonus: I could occasionally activate mobile broadband for a week or two if I wanted to tether it to the laptop while traveling.

So nice.

But now it's gone and I had to get another one. So, what's the chrome-plated future look like? It looks like shredded greenbacks flying out of my wallet, that's what it looks like. If I want a phone that can tether to my laptop, and I try to get advice from a human being (in person, over the phone, no matter) I'm funneled straight into the Commitment-Zone. You see, in the future, only weenies want phones that are internet-ready just SOME of the time. So I could sign up for a contract to shell out thirty extra bucks a month for unlimited broadband that I can't justify, or I could trim down to the minimum fifteen dollars a month for 150 Mb of access--which is a plan that essentially allows you to know you HAVE access, but strictly AVOID using it, because you know if you do start using it you'll end up enjoying a regular, burning rash of killer overage charges.

Fortunately, I'm capable of researching my way out of the gaping Pitcher Plant of digestive broadband fees and I found a couple phones swirling around in a sad little eddy on the Verizon website for under fifty bucks that still allowed you to tether and do occasional broadband with no monthly commitment. Option 1 had crummy standby battery life. So I got Option 2. Which is where I realized something else that I guess I knew, but never really thought about. Which is, besides being a money pit, cell phones are also a fashion marker. And I guess I might as well be wearing a pocket protector and huge horn rims, because I got me a flip phone. Coworker walks up:
"So what kind of phone did you end up getting"
[[shows phone]]
"ohhhh....you got a flip phone...." [[goes silent with an I'm-not-going-to-say-anything-else look on face]]

So, whatever. I'm glad I'm 40 years old and I don't care anymore. I'm going to go shopping for sock suspenders now.