An Orange Cat That Does Not Eat Lasagna

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It's raining this morning. And it's destroying all the beautifully crusty, three-week-old snow pack in the back yard. It's starting to get this exsanguinated Edward James Almos appearance to it. The good news is the cat hasn't begged to come in yet, so that it may track winter yard-slime all over the floor.

The cat.

OK, here's the deal with the cat. And let me start by saying, as I think I have before, that I like cats (and dogs). Really, I do. What I don't like is loose hair, cleaning up dookie, and tracking down ellusive ammonia smells in my house. I'm pretty sure I don't like vet bills either.

For the last few years, there has been this neighborhood cat that doesn't really 'belong' to anyone. Well, it belonged to someone at some point, seeing as how it was neutered, but for some unspoken reason in its dark past, it was on the run. At first, it wandered around and sought what pittances the various households on the block were willing to bequeath it. Eventually, it acquired the name 'Hobo'. Out of mercy, our next door neighbors ended up taking stewardship of Hobo. They never outright claimed him, but they were the main food & garage-shelter providers. This was nice. The kids could strop the cat and give it treats when it made its rounds, but there were no real strings attached.

Well, the neighbors moved away a couple months ago and were not taking the cat with them. By that time, we had become concerned enough about Hobo's welfare that we arranged to accept the food & shelter baton. I was worried, but things have gone pretty well so far. My stipulation: No indoor cats. Amanda and Harrison's allergies, and my aversion to the leave-behinds of fur-bearing critters sealed that deal. The cat can come in to eat, drink and be petted, but it must stay on the hard kitchen floor, and then it must go right back out.

So we made an insulated shelter for him in the carport, got a little fuzzy cat mat to recline on when indoors, and secured a big bag of hand-me-down cat food from the neighbors. Hobo has gradually learned that leaving the kitchen results in being dumped outside, which is pretty cool. He does not use his cat shelter for some reason. He prefers to perch on top of the recycling bin and puff up like a snow bird. Suit yerself, I figure.

The big question is, where is he easing nature these days? I do not know if it's going to be possible to set up an outdoor litter box and 'train' him to use it. Somebody may end up donating a nice fresh bowl of antifreeze to him one day, thus completing the circle of life.

Any suggestions are welcome.

Here's to tufts of quickly vacuumed hair.

3 Comments

Cats use 'litter boxes' very naturally and require very little training to do so. If you intend to train the cat, be very careful. You want to try to catch the cat in the act, or preferably when he starts sniffing around before hand. If you catch the cat after the fact, it's already too late. Cats and dogs both have a memory of about 3 seconds; so if you walk in after he's made his offering in the corner and scold him, he won't "get" that you're mad about his dirty business; this can lead to behavioural problems, exactly the opposite of what you want (see below). Cats will use any tiny gravelly type material, so if you have fish-tank size gravel around your yard, watch out. My own cats like to use wood-mulch too, so watch out for that.

It sounds like you want something in your carport, or...? If that's what you're looking for, get the cheapest plastic container you can find that's about cat-pan sized. If you go so far as to get a real litter box, I wouldn't get a covered litter box. They cause odor problems of their own, require additional care and cleaning, and not all cats will use them (especially a semi-feral cat as it sounds you have on your hands). Buy clumping cat litter. It's a little more expensive, but you use less of it in the long run. If you don't get the clumping kind, the ammonia smell builds up rapidly and you have to fully replace all of the cat litter at least once a week for the smell. Plus, with clumping cat litter, you can make a game out of cleaning it out, pretend you're digging for gold and hope for the biggest clumps you can find (really it's a very fun game, you only have to imagine to see this I'm sure)!

If your cat doesn't use the litter box, there are several reasons:

  • territorial problems with other cats (it doesn't sound like you have this to worry about...)
  • the cat is sick (it doesn't sound like you care about this...)
  • it's a covered litter box (take off the cover and see if that helps)
  • it's a behavioural problem you caused by improper training (this one, hey, it's your fault =O)

Do some googling if you're having problems getting the cat to use the litter box.

Jeeze. A treatise on cat poop. I need to find a hobby.

I was just thinking about this a little more. I've gotten 4 cats as an adult, Liz and Kiko in Baltimore and Spot and Baby in Boston (I'm not a crazy cat person, nosir...) and then my folks had another four cats while I was growing up. When you get cats, you're supposed to keep them in a room for a week before you introduce them to the rest of the house. None of the four I got lasted more then a day in the room before they got the run of the apartment. I never actually had to "train" any of them to use the litter box.

The only cat I've ever had with litter-box problems was Baby, but she was a very, very sick kitty. Ugh. she used the litter box but her aim was off, so it wound up on the floor. One time was on a longer cycling trip, so by the time I got back to clean it up, you could smell it not just through the apartment but through the building and the bottom of the litter box had stained the floor. Double ugh.

I'm not sure it's healthy to think this much about cat poop.

Matt, you have outdone yourself!

Thanks for all the tips. I'm going to be picking over them (much like litter-box clumps I imagine) as we move toward addressing this issue. The potential litter-box setup would all be taking place outside, so I'm pretty sure I'll be able to avoid the "rub the kitty's nose in it" tendencies :D (I try to save that sort of punishment for the kids anyway, who I've found, have a memory closer to 15 to 20 seconds.)

Condolences on the No Depth Perception Kitty situation. I can almost smell it now. :I

...wait. We had chicken wings for dinner didn't we...

I'll let you know how it goes...You know, 6 months when from now when I post something again...

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