October 2002 Archives

Speech Impediments

I was just walking down the hallway with my freshly heated microwave lunch a couple minutes ago, and one of the gals that works down the hall from us says "Hi" as she's walking in her door. So what do I say back?

"Howdy doody."

What the heck? What is wrong with me? I bring myself to my knees with embarrassment far too often. Oh if only I could communicate in person like I'm using a keyboard: "blither blither yadda yadda"...oops...::delete delete delete::....::rewrite rewrite::

argh.

Jeremy

Polygons

Okay, John Rodgers just sent me an email:

Heya,

I just read you're latest blog entry, about the route you'll be taking. However, I found your route map to be a bit unrealistic. Need I remind you that you'll have two toddlers along for the ride?

As such, I've taken the liberty of updating your map to be a more accurate reflection of what I think you're likely to experience.

Enjoy,

- John

Hah!
Actually, that's not too far from the truth...much to my chagrin. So I updated the original map to say "Overnight Stops" instead of "Stops". Okay? Okay. I gotta pay more attention to these little details.

Cartography

I've been coughing my guts out the past week. Stinking kindergarten plagues never end. So Cathy, who works on the far end of the office, finally reached her breaking point and dumped out this huge pile of Vitamin-C pills for me. And I thought, yeah, you know, I actually should take Vitamin-C to supplement my bread and dairy diet. But man, those little boogers are potent. I got a blister on my tongue yesterday because I was letting it 'dissolve' in my mouth. Not a good idea. My salivary glands cramped up so tight I started wondering if I was going to need a BoTox injection to be able to open my jaw again. I was advised today that I should probably just swallow them like aspirin. Duh.

I'm not an experienced pill-popper.

We've revised our travel schedule for next week due to a couple helpful comments from Callie natives:

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Wil writes:

I was reading your web journal and found that you are trying to decide which route is the most scenic: 5, 99 or 101. I've never been on 99 but I've heard it is better than 5. 101 is the best of the three and while it is no highway 1 it at least has a bit of scenic variety. I am curious about your route to SF, I would have not guessed you made it all the way to 101 on your journey.

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Kevin writes:

Howdy,
I read that you're finding little information about the advantages and disadvantages of the various routes of travel in California. I will give you my experience.
 
Hwy 99: Avoid. You'll feel like you're on a trip to visit Amanda's relatives, as it goes through the flat ranch country of California. And you know what ranches mean: cows. More specifically, cow urine. Nothing like trying to drive through tearing eyes as the ammonia is dissolving the skin on the back of your throat. Also, this can vary, but the last time I was on it, there were lots and lots of semis.
 
I-5: The fastest route. The speed limit is 70mph, but the last time I drove on it, I was going 85, and I wasn't worried because I was getting passed regularly. I think even a cop gave me the finger as he blew by me. The scenery is kind of bland, although not as bad as 99, and the road is in much better condition. Also, there is only 1 two-mile stretch of cows. Use this one if you're sick of being in the car and want to get there as soon as possible.
 
Hwy 101: By far the prettiest route. Some gorgeous country there. And the home of Sancho. Also by far the slowest. Honestly, I'm not too optomistic about your chances of making it from Barstow to SF in one day via 101. When I'm on 101, I always seem to get behind some motorhome driving 35 mph who refuses to use the turn-outs for miles and miles. And of course, with all the nice twists and turns and hills, there aren't very many passing sections. If your kids get carsick on twists and turns, keep that in mind.
 
I'll add more later. Now, I've got to get some sleep.
 
Kevin

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Thanks for the input you two. (and for the fits of laughter, Kevin =)

For whatever it's worth, here's the visual scoop. I've been meaning to post this for a while. But now it's lunchtime, and lunchtime is the right time.


Jeremy

Donating Your Body to Science

I got a book in the mail here at work a couple days ago. It's a Medical Illustrator's Resource book. I always enjoy flipping through and looking at the incredible work these people do.

So I ripped it out of its package, and started flipping the pages. In that very instant, as the pages fluttered before me, an insidious, deeply revolting smell filled my nostrils. I wanted to empty my stomach right there. The odor wafting from the freshly printed book wasn't the usually enjoyable smell of fresh ink, varnish and press blanket wash...no, it was something very difficult to describe: a rich background of high-school frog-disection formaldehyde, spiked with strong notions of rot, decay, old-people-smell, perforated bowel, and other things that were not meant for the living to experience. 'Good lord,' I thought as I tossed the book down, 'this has got to be cadaver smell.' I couldn't be totally sure, seeing's how I haven't had the displeasure of being in the same room as the lucky chumps here who get to film cadaver training seminars. I needed to find out from somebody who would know.

So today, I gingerly picked up the book and walked it over to the video room and found Jody sitting at his computer. I strode up and said, "what do you think about this awesome book?" as I flipped the pages before him. His face transformed from confused curiousity to a look of familiar and unwelcome revulsion. Today was not a day he expected to have to endure the obnoxious odors of preserved corpses. He uttered a few oaths as he backed away, grabbed his can of vanilla deoderizer (a local favorite for masking cadaver stink apparently), and started hosing the book down. It didn't help.

I've got it wrapped in a plastic trash bag, sitting on a shelf across from my desk now. I called up the book publisher and asked them what gives. The lady said I was the second person to call, saying the first person immediately threw the book out, but she wasn't sure what the deal was. I wanted to ask whether they had stuck a box of the books in a morgue or maybe an open body cavity for a few weeks so they could get nice & heady, but I figured I'd save that question for the manager who will be calling me later today. I want a replacement book. Not the greusome retch-inducer I've got now. Yech. I think it's plain that I could never have worked in the forensic sciences. ::barf::

Jeremy

A Long Awaited Voyage

It got doggone cold last night. Very nippley. There's snow up on the mountain too, which is cool. I can only hope that we'll get some snow this winter, as opposed to last year.

We're getting ready to go on a road-trip in a couple weeks. It will easily dwarf the Oklahoma trips in duration and destinations. Plenty of layovers have been planned to depressurize the kids, and we invested in a 9" TV/VCR that plugs into the cigarette lighter for additional cramped-car diversional activities.

Tues. October 15th: Broken Clutch
Blow out of town after Giselle gets out of school.
I say 'blow out of town', but really, it'll be a series of fits & starts: pack pack pack, forgot this, forgot that, start car, run back in for more forgotten things, start backing out of driveway, run back in to get kids that are standing at the living room window crying, drive off down street, make loop around neighborhood, and run back up to lock doors. Drive up to Wendy's or McDonald's for dose of lunch carcinogens, because eating on the road saves more time than sitting down at home and eating first. Right. Stop for gas. Wait in lengthy line of cars due to some unforeseen twist in the universe's fabric that causes everybody to pack up & hit the road the same time as we do, even on Tuesday afternoons. Cringe as tempers rise due to spilled food, and tantrums because stupid hamburger has lettuce on it. Finally end up in Barstow, California & spill into motel room.

Wed. October 16th: Hills of the San Andreas
Blow out of town as early as possible.
(See October 16th entry for 'Blow out of town' scenarios.)
Eventually make it to Hwy 101 & drive on Northward to San Francisco. Much internet research has yielded little information in whether I-5, Hwy 101, or Rt 99 is more scenic. Although lots of sites rave about the "old" Hwy 101 being spectacular. The trip is too long to attempt the Pacific Coast Hwy 1, which we drove about a decade ago, and was as lovely as it was perilous. Back to reality though, we won't really be focusing on scenery, so much as just getting there before mutiny breaks out. Finally end up in San Francisco that night.

Thurs. October 17th: Wide-eyed Wonder
Tour the touristy sights of San Francisco. Ride the trollies with the kids, see the city, absorb Fisherman's Wharf, cruise the Golden Gate Bridge, play at the park with the kids, play avoid-the-panhandlers, hook up with Amanda's brother Sam, go nuts with the camera.

Fri. October 18th: Reunion
Blow out of town mid-morning. (See Oct. 16 re. 'blow')
Get to Reno, NV in the early afternoon & hook up with everbody at the Aquino's house. Chat, reminisce, cavort. Help set up LAN for Friday night & Saturday games. Watch, learn & rejoice as Robert Peyton whips up unimaginably cool dinner delights.

Sat. October 19th: Carnival
Good food, games, excursions, super-soaker battles, etc. Maybe hop on 3 networked X-Boxes for 12-player Halo matches. More Peyton culinary treasures.

Sun. October 20th: Dichotomy
Catch breakfast with everybody & then blow out of town (See above.)
Route trip through Yosemite, take it slow, lots of stops & pictures. End up in Fresno that evening.

Mon. October 21st: Through the Desert
No blowing. Cruise down to LA. Take 'er easy.

Tues. October 22nd: Pilgrimage
Shackle on the kids & head to Disney Land. Make it through Buzz Lightyear stage production & It's a Small World (sort of like eating your icky vegetables first, so you can enjoy the rest of the meal). Hop onto Dumbo ride for first time in around 25 years. Scare bejeezus out of kids on Teacup ride. Hunt down Melificent. Oh yes, Pirates of the Carribean and Splash Mountain :D For some strange reason, I think I'm going to enjoy this =)

Wed. October 23rd: Descent
Truck on home.

I may sleep all the following weekend.

Jeremy

Reconciliations

Vending Machine: Bought a couple Almond M&M packets over the past week, and no further incidents.

Receptionist: Spent some time joshing around with her about my vending machine capers, and poking myself in the eyes while talking to her, and everything seems cool now.

Building Maintenance Guy: Had a meeting today about rearranging our office, and he doesn't seem as ticked off at me about all my bathroom fixer-upper requests.

Accounting Department: Wellll, I still have some work to do here. Too many late invoice submissions in my recent history for any good vibes just yet. Working on it.

Looking for some peace here.

Been pigging out on White-Cheddar Cheez-Its™...yum yum. Man, I'm just maximizing my garbage intake.

Jeremy