Samsonite Boomerangs
Strangest thing happened. I suddenly woke up at 4:30 this morning. No alarm clock, no knee to the groin, no screaming kids, just woke up all of a sudden. And I was totally lucid and awake. I could've gotten up and started my day right then. And I know this is the sort of thing that Type-A personalities do all the time (freaks), but it's absolutely contrary and bizarre to me. The thing is, at the time I woke up, my stomach was in full-blown digestion mode. I wasn't hungry at all, and it wasn't like that indigestion sort of rumbling. My guts were just churning away, happy as could be. Totally freaked me out. I've been trying to piece it together all day long. Amanda's never told me that I sleepwalk, but I've got to wonder if maybe I zombiewalked to the kitchen and raided the fridge. Either that, or the mothership was trying to reprogram me. Weird.
I was walking out of Subway with my health-lunch today, and this lady was coming in the door, and she made it a point to hold the door open for me. I thought that was totally cool. See, doorholding has been a very difficult issue for me. I want to hold the door open for people, but I have "issues". About 12 years ago, at the beginning of my so-called adult career, I was working in the Renaissance Building in downtown Phoenix. I would customarily hold the door open for people if I got there first. You know, if the door opens outward, pull it open and wait; or if it opens inward, step through and hold it. Anyway, I started to notice that some businesswomen seemed irritated when I held the door for them. One lady went so far as to stop dead in her tracks and tell me she could get the door herself, thank you very much. And that was it. I've been totally neurotic about it ever since. Never mind the fact that I'll hold the door for male and female alike, I'm obsessed with the possibility that somebody is going to think I'm being condescending if I make any more than a casual effort to hold the door for them.
So now if I'm approaching a doorway and notice somebody is coming from behind me, or from a different angle toward it, I find myself getting very tense, trying to gauge how far apart we will reach the door from each other. If they'll get to it right behind me, I feel a huge sense of relief, because it will look very casual if I hold the door open, and no hurt feelings. If they're significantly far behind, then I'll breeze through and not hold it, and no hurt feelings. But if they're at that fuzzy distance, like when a traffic light turns yellow at that sweet spot, and you're not sure whether to hit the brakes or gun it, then I just freak out. Sometimes I'll simply stop and act like I forgot something, or break off and go to a different door, just so I don't have to figure out whether or not I should go out of my way to hold it for them. Baggage, baggage, baggage.
I'm sure I have some level of Social Anxiety Disorder. I get the same way driving through supermarket parking lots and walking through crowds. Maybe I should give Paxil a try.
People and doorways
slog vinegar and oil through
my mental carafe.
Jeremy
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