Hey, so I was pretty proud of the whole rose-thorn anti-cat situation right? Well there I was Saturday, bashing my way through the hyper-cement ray-shielding along the foundation of the house for my fence post hole, and I look up to see that !@#% grey-striped cat stalking into my yard. So I stop for a second to watch and see what he does. So he starts scratching at the grass and I’m thinking ahh uhh he must be checking for prairie dog holes, and then allasudden he scrunches up and starts dumping turd after glistening turd right on the lawn! And he’s looking me in the eye the whole time as if to say ‘oh you think you’re so bad with your rose thorns, I’ve got your deterrent right here buddy.’

By the time I ran up to swat him with a glove, he had already piled up a steaming kairn big enough to relieve a medium sized dog. So I’m doing the Yosemite Sam thing stomping around the front yard and just in time I see good ole Paul laying a sprinkler hose in his side yard like 5 feet from the oozing cat monument. And I’m like Aha! So I go grab the shovel to scoop it up before his very eyes, and I’m thinking how this will make it pretty freakin obvious to him what’s going on with his rotten cats, and so he says “Wellll, whatcha doin?”. “I’m scooping crap outta my yard, Paul.” “Aww yeh, I’ve been finding that in my yard too.”

What the?

Yeah, I bet you’ve been finding it in your yard buddy, probably not as much as in mine for pete’s sake. And it ocurred to me that the pile of crap was so huge he prolly thought it was dog crap. This sucks like Texas. So now I have to figure out how to bring this up with them. He did all the work on building the backyard fence between our houses, and he helped me lay the sod in the front yard, so I have all this guilt building up about railing on him because of his fuzzy little turd-factories. But I have to say something because as soon as I get the cat traps and start hauling his critters off to the Humane Society, they’ll be knocking on our door asking if we’ve seen their cute little woogums, and then it’ll develop into why didn’t we tell them there was a problem in the first place? Which brings me back to, exactly what CAN they do about the crap holocaust their cats wield upon my yard? It’s a no-win situation. So I guess by next year I’ll know whether we’re mortal enemies or not...

I used to like cats
Now they haunt my fitful sleep
Yard smells like Woodstock

Jeremy