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February 13, 2006

Vivid Indigestion

Rob and I were having a good laugh about VP Dick Cheney shooting (heh "peppering") his buddy while quail hunting last weekend. Gradually the conversation started boiling down to discussing the size of some runty little racquetballish quail body versus all those little pellets of shot you'd need to dig out later. And maybe I'm not the right person to be talking about this, since I find eating crab or whole sunflower seeds too tedious to bother with either. But that just sounds like a miserable little meal--Peel off a glistening little splinter of quail meat, maybe even suck it between your teeth like a spaghetti noodle, then chew it oh-so-delicately as you take care not to pop a filling out on one of those feisty little steel b-bs. Then it's time to spit out any metallic stowaways into the little clear shot glass on the table to your left. Of course, you could be a man about it, and just swallow each mealworm-sized bite whole, as long as you don't mind birthing sparkly little holiday ornaments the next day.

The way we figured it, there ought to be a way to substitute garlic or pepper bits for the shot. That way you'd be pre-seasoning the little boogers, you don't have to worry about tooth-breaking surprises later, and you're doing your part to spare the environment. I'm no hunter, but I imagine it would be a bonus for you and your buddies to hop out of the truck, catch a whiff of garlic, maybe a hint of cinnamon, and be able to say "this brush has already been worked, boys," and then head on down the road to livelier pickings. There would probably be some annoying range issues for the less dense herbs and spices. I figured that cocktail weenies would probably have a range less than ten yards, but honestly, you'd only want to use that as gag-ammo since there's no real flavor value there. Still, the greater the challenge, the greater the reward. Sort of like fly fishing for trout with barbless hooks on 2 ounce test line.

Man, I had a kaleidoscope of vibrant dreams last night. There was one where I was at Dad's house, helping him decide where to install a new washing machine that he ended up having flown in on a small plane that crashed nose-first into his back yard. I suffered a surge of guilt after catching myself running to dial 911 instead of helping the installation tech out of the back of the plane (the pilot was toast). Then there was another dream about investigating an abandoned house and getting into a sword fight with my arch rival. I don't know about you, but I'm famous in some of my dreams, and I have arch rivals. Just like in real life. Anyway, I have to say it's tough working the forms in a cramped hallway, and wow, this guy had some sly tight-quarter moves. Scary. I woke up with my heart racing on that one.

Then there was the epic dream about ancient Mars and how it became a dead world after its warring civilizations discovered buried temples, activated them, and split the planet in half (Mars A and B, in case you were wondering). Mars A had a large loose chunk still attached, called Sardis or something like that. So of course, they launched the huge Sardis chunk at Mars B, obliterating it, and eventually themselves in the ensuing thrash of careening planet bits. The special effects in my dream were pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. As Sardis approached Mars B, the last few moments were filled with all the surface material and structures surging off the ground as gravity was nullified. What a spectacular mess.

As dreams will do, that one rewound itself allowing me to explore a subplot where mythical flying dragons were unleashed by the activation of the temple runes. They were giants. As big as city blocks, with cool, green forests growing on their heaving, bloated backs. I was allowed to wander down the back of one, mesmerized by how a wooden fence along the spine had been constructed so it wouldn't fall apart (think planks organized like myofibrils) as the beast snaked it's way through the clouds. A few other bizarre, mostly fractured things took place as I strolled along the dragon's back before it faded into the mist as my alarm went off. As I stumbled to the shower, a few other slide-show images buzzed around my mind from other dreams over the course of the night, including something vivid about American Indians dancing around volcanic calderas that were ebbing to life. I'm glad I felt rested today, because it seems like I was up all night.

We had pepperoni pizza for dinner.

Posted by Jeremy at February 13, 2006 6:03 PM