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June 8, 2004

Rules Is Fer Pansies

Picking up Giselle from school was a strong test of my nerves today. Let me present you with this little diagram. Notice the aerial shot was taken when the roads surrounding the school weren't packed with cars, smoldering piles of rubbish and police in riot gear...

(Green line is my path.) See the "one-way" arrows? They represent signs that aren't really supposed to be taken seriously. Sort of like those laws from the early 1800s that prohibit you from spanking your wife on the front porch step after 7:00 pm, or picking your nose beyond the depth of one knuckle within full view of a carriage horse. And who follows those pesky things anymore? Right? Well anyway, the one-way rule doesn't apply in the real world Christensen Elementary either. And too bad for you if you trust that people will follow that rule by going the direction you expect, because you're going to be in for one heart attack after another. But that wasn't the problem today. No, my problem was I apparently got there immediately after dozens of kids had simultaneously entered every last car along Frogger-Row. See the red rectangles? Those are the Insane Parallel Parker Posse. They are downright saucy, they are mostly SUVs, and like popcorn kernels in a microwave, they're ready to pop. Right out in front of you. At any second.

I was on my way to 'pickup destination B' due to congestion at 'pickup destination A'. But I must've looked like I had hydraulics installed on my car and was trying to get it cranked up for all the split-second brakings I was hitting...in fact, for as much progress I was able to make, it probably would've been pretty cool to just sit there and bounce the front end of my car up and down for a couple minutes for all the consideration I was getting. :: makes note to check prices on hydraulic kits ::

But really, just a couple blinks of the turn signal, is that too much to ask? Darn staight, that's too much to ask. If there's one thing I've learned in 18 years of driving it's that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness and subservience. It's like oooooh asking permission from people to make a lane change. And we all know how icky being polite is right? This one lady in a behemoth Suburban rocketed out in a cloud of dust, and at the very instant her tires began to spit gravel, she hit her blinker for 1.5 flashes while I stomped on the brakes, but I was like, okay, she gave a token effort. At least she acknowledged that I exist, and was kind enough to wave at me, as if to say hey there guy, sorry that all the mail in your front seat just shot past the firewall under the dash and will probably start smoldering a couple minutes down the road. But hey, she offered up a consolation signal, so I waved back. Like I've said before, that place is like downtown Tijuana with broken traffic lights (I know, what's the difference whether the lights are broken or not). There is a bright spot. It's just 2 more days until summer break. And then I get to recharge my school-pickup stress meter for next year.

Posted by Jeremy at June 8, 2004 7:11 PM