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January 26, 2004

Monday Lunchtime Tangent

My little nightmare episode that I posted about this morning got me to thinking about how those monster dreams aren't as scary as they once were. Which should go without saying, right? I mean, I am an adult* after all. I know monsters aren't real. Or are they? Ever seen a mole rat? Do we really know how big those things get? What about angler fish? Eeeyugh. There's fish that can slither across dry land, you know. And there's still got to be all kinds of other toothy, goopy critters out there we don't know anything about yet. And why wouldn't each and every one of them be interested in seeking out me and me alone at 3 o'clock in the morning, out of the 6 billion or so people splayed across the planet?

*shut up

Monster bait. That's what us nightmare-prone people are. Or were. See, it doesn't bug me so much anymore. And not because I don't believe some giant, oozing, water-born protoplasm from the depths of Lake Powell has slugged uphill some 150 miles just to digest me. No. It's because I've got a warm, cozy wife right there next to me. And she doesn't suspect a thing. But I know it could be out there. And it won't get the jump on me, no sir. As soon as I hear the window pane creaking, I'll be up in the air in a shower of bedsheets and squid ink (you think I'm kidding about the ink gland, don't you). And while the creature busies itself fending off Amanda, I'll be making my escape.

Juuuuust kidding. I wouldn't abandon my family to marauding monsters. I'd be yelling "Save yourselves!" while I occupied myself with being absorbed and minced into coffee-mug-sized bits.

I'd like to think.

Posted by Jeremy at January 26, 2004 12:48 PM